26 July 2004

on 26 July 2004 at 04:30

Wonderland vision of a bizarre future

Not long ago a letter appeared in the Eastern Daily Press, Norwich (UK), portraying two visions of Norwich in 2040. Without repeating it here, it is hard to convey the sheer unreality of it. But let’s try.

One vision included the city surrounded by a motorway and two three-lane ring roads; most people with two cars; respiratory disease rampant; smog; and tornados resulting from climate change. This, we are told, is what will happen if we opt for a northern distributor road.

You may laugh. I hope you do.

Why should anyone want two cars? If for some reason they do, they can only drive one at a time; so it is irrelevant. There may be an increase in respiratory diseases, but this is nothing to do with cars, and nor is smog, which was far, far worse in my childhood when cars were far, far fewer. Perhaps it’s global warming? That has nothing to do with cars, either: even proponents of man-influenced global warming accept that if we all stopped driving tomorrow it would make no perceptible difference. And even if Norfolk gets noticeably warmer, there is no reason at all that this should produce more tornados than we get now.

As for a motorway and two three-lane ring roads around Norwich, this is the same bizarre vision that the letter-writer would no doubt have produced for 2004 if he had been writing in 1970. The only major difference from that date is the southern bypass, which is scarcely mentioned by anti-road campaigners because it is so obviously successful: it is not crammed full of cars and it is not surrounded by ugly development. It just makes travelling easier.

Roads alarmists like to put about wild-eyed predictions which even they must realise are far from the truth. What they do not say is that less than one per cent of our still lovely countryside is covered by roads – and that includes London. Even if you include wildlife-inhabited verges, it is still a long way under two per cent. Compared to other European countries, we are failing abysmally to provide enough motorways – let alone other roads – to cope with increased traffic. In terms of numbers of inhabitants, we are third lowest after Greece and Ireland. In terms of area, we are sixth lowest. Holland, often praised for its cyclist-friendly streets and certainly not covered in tarmac, has four times as many motorway miles as we do.

If we had been just competent in this area, we would not have to be scrabbling around now looking for methods of road-charging to prevent gridlock. I suspect that the dossier that advocates this has rather less intelligence behind it than came out of Iraq before the war. It is noticeable that some of the most vociferous opponents of the northern distributor road are from places far removed from it, like the Suffolk border. People to the north of Norwich need it: it will make their environment cleaner, quieter and friendlier.

Why anyone should be against this is beyond me. Why they should exaggerate the effects to such an Alice-in-Wonderland extent is unfortunately fairly clear.

Council keeps quiet over 'appalling shambles'

In this brave new era of public consultation, the last thing that many local authorities want to do is talk to a member of the public. Systems are in place to prevent this wherever possible.

This is what a Norwich woman, Betty Distill, found when Norwich City Council spent £137,000 on making her street more dangerous, installing high kerbs and preventing safe parking – a process described by a former city councillor as “the appalling North Park Avenue shambles”.

She was so frustrated at the lack of any intelligent response from the council to her repeated letters that she withheld £87.41 council tax in protest – and ended up in Norwich Magistrates’ Court in February, where her case was postponed until the council’s scrutiny committee had looked at the issue.

She was back at court again, as requested, recently, by which time the scrutiny committee should have met. Strangely, it hadn’t, and the council was suddenly more than eager to forget its £30 costs if Mrs Distill would pay her outstanding tax.

Being a law-abiding person – she is a former probation office administrator – Mrs Distill had no intention of withholding the tax permanently. But she used the opportunity to tell the court about the council’s reprehensible behaviour in robbing residents of “what was pleasant and peaceful living”, as well as its arrogance, mismanagement and failure to follow proper procedures.

The council did not respond to this.

But in the end it may have to, because Mrs Distill’s complaints are now being investigated by local MP, Education Secretary Charles Clarke. Perhaps the council will condescend to talk to him.

Draconian bid to restrict bird movements

Norfolk campaigner Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago, who has moved to Cromer following a fall, has hit out at a new European directive restricting the activities of certain birds.

Mr Houseago, now 105 and a veteran of the Wymondham Newt Wars, has access to a number of leaks from the European Commission and has as a result become a member of the United Kingdom Independence Party (Vicarage Road Division).

“One document left me fuming,” he reported yesterday. “It stated that restrictions would be placed upon certain birds so that they could be more accurately identified by European observers.

“Reed warblers would in future be confined to reed, whereas sedge warblers would only be allowed to inhabit sedge.

“House sparrows must at all times be within reach of a house (as the crow flies), whereas hedge sparrows have to stay close to field edges. I don’t have to tell you how difficult that is. As for Arctic terns, they are going to be banned from the United Kingdom altogether, except in very bad weather.

“The only good thing is that if the directives go through, our commons are going to be covered with birds of many different kinds.”

A twitcher was unavailable.

Quote

There is now a multi-million-pound revenue stream that depends on the indiscriminate infliction of unreasonable laws by unreasonable people on largely law-abiding motorists who are punished disproportionately for what are predominantly minor indiscretions.

Philip Johnston, Daily Telegraph

12 July 2004

on 13 July 2004 at 08:58

Flyover snails set normal pace

Unsurprisingly for a society that thinks speed is a major social problem, we seem to have more and more difficulty getting things done on time.

The notorious flyover snails in Norwich were a prime example. Masquerading as a construction company, they managed to exceed the stated time for completion of renovation work on the Magdalen Street crawl-over by a period so ludicrously large that in the end people just laughed – or cried.

Even though motorists don’t normally count, the city council was embarrassed enough to say it wouldn’t happen again. And it hasn’t, quite. Admittedly the Prince of Wales Road jigsaw puzzle was supposed to be finished in April, but hey, it’s only July. The city council hasn’t even worked itself up to slightly indignant yet.

The schools PFI scheme for Norfolk, involving that exciting company Jarvis, is now to no-one’s surprise (except possibly certain County Hall officials) two years behind schedule and possibly on the brink of falling through completely.

And out in the county and beyond it’s becoming quite normal to see road works scheduled for 38 weeks, or some other number so huge that it would be quicker for normal human beings to build several new roads instead.

As I write, Saxlingham Nethergate, south of Norwich, is closed to through traffic for at least 12 weeks for drainage work, inconveniencing huge numbers of people. And that’s the crux, isn’t it? People don’t matter any more. It’s easier for the construction company to shut off miles of country roads, and so they do.

Even Norwich Cathedral has been hit by a variation of the plague. Its much-heralded, sparkling new library was due to be in full use by now. It was officially opened by the Bishop in May, and librarian Gudrun Warren – as well as a large number of potential users – must be frustrated by various delays that mean the earliest it will now be actually open is September.

The usual problems of slotting square workmen into round holes are cited, and one sceptic suggested that the cutting-edge shelving was discovered not to fit well on to medieval flint walls. I’m sure that can’t be right.

On stepping out of the delightful new refectory and peering through the library’s forlornly closed glass doors the other day, I was struck by two things: a worryingly vague sign saying it would be open “in due course” and a notice affixed to an inside wall, headed “Divine Inspiration”. So it’s come to that.

That green, green feeling

Following my piece a month ago on the deceptive double-standard green badge system for disabled parking in Norwich, I received several letters from people who were extremely angry at the city council’s inflexible attitude. One suggested that the “fine city” tag was “something of a sick joke to the elderly and disabled people I have spoken to”. She suggested that “Norwich – the Exclusive City” might be more appropriate.

Following the recent election, the Greens may be rejoicing at a greener council for the city, but until this system is ended, the word “green” will continue to leave a sick taste in many mouths.

Looks like a police car, maybe

It is quite surprising that speed cameras are catching any drivers in Norfolk, if we are to believe information supplied by the annual report of Norfolk Police, published as a supplement in this paper recently.

According to this document, speed is calculated by using the formula “time over distance travelled = speed”. This would come as a surprise to Mr Wardrop, my maths teacher at the City of Norwich School in the 1960s, as well as to most of his pupils, who were taught that time = distance over speed, and so speed = distance over time. Perhaps this is part of the chief constable’s “mature debate about speeding”. Ah, well. I don’t suppose they’re too worried about details while they’re trying to increase vehicle-related crime detections to the heady heights of 9.3 per cent. Yes, I did say to 9.3 per cent. It doesn’t say what from.

Of course there is much encouraging information to be had as well. I now know, for example, that a highway patrol car is basically white and is a “medium-sized vehicle”. In case I am still confusing it with a Transit van, there is a picture, which is reassuring, because I haven’t seen a patrol car for some time.

Not so glorious Waveney

The remains of a couple of hippopotamuses found stranded halfway up a quarry wall in South Norfolk were originally thought to be 700,000 years old, give or take a week.

But local expert Len “Kissme” Hardy claims that they look very like a pair introduced unsuccessfully into the Waveney in 1975 in an attempt to cut down on rats. Unfortunately they turned out to be vegetarian, and escaped. A later “sighting” of them in Diss Mere by Mr Hardy was discounted by scientists.