You have probably been wondering what connection there is
between great crested newts and the ever-growing threat to the
British way of life. How have coypu infiltrated every level of
government, and what is the real reason that speed cameras are
breeding at such an alarming rate? Is global warming really
caused by breathing? Can the answer to life, the universe and
everything be found in children's stories, and does poetry
have a role to play? Who is Henry (Fred) "Shrimp"
Houseago, and does it matter? The answers to almost all of
these vital questions will occasionally be found here.
on 27 December 2004 at 04:00
The fundamental thing about Christianity
When you see Mary portrayed by a pop star with an image and a
mansion, or an unsavoury television family posing for the
Last Supper, the problem is not blasphemy: it is a lack of
imagination.
And it is a problem that goes some way to defining the
society we live in.
It is a society that thinks, for some incredible reason, that
it doesn’t matter what we believe or what is true, because
everything is accidental and aimless – and then is astonished
that so many people lack self-esteem.
It is a society that thinks the highest good is not causing
offence, but that bullying in the work place is a perfectly
normal method of management.
It is a society that will not accept any discipline in
schools, but believes that anti-social behaviour orders are
the answer to the inevitable chaos that ensues. And that this
works on pigs too.
It is precisely this lack of imagination that is challenged
by Christmas, and we can be thankful (we should always be
thankful anyway) that in this country it can still be
celebrated in the traditional way without resorting to
anodyne greetings like “Happy Holidays”.
But how long will it last? We know that ludicrous
over-sensitivity already infests the USA, supposedly the most
Christian nation on earth. We may soon have an Act of
Parliament that will make it difficult to distinguish
critically between religions, as if such basic things do not
matter.
And everyone regards fundamentalism as the biggest evil of
our times, almost a synonym for terrorism. But what is
fundamentally true about something is what makes it live –
for good or evil. The fundamental thing about Christianity is
unconditional love. Anything that calls itself Christianity
and is not radically loving is faking it. We owe it to our
children and grandchildren to make that clear.
West Norfolk mountains' proud safety
record
It has been a quiet year for the West Norfolk Mountain Rescue
Team, of which I have the honour to be president.
Few rescues were attempted, and the only ongoing project is
chairman Mr D Everett’s attempt to get soil from the
Cairngorms analysed to see if it originated from sugar beet
grown in Norfolk.
Other members have allowed themselves to be distracted. One
is investigating militant squirrels in parts of Brundall, and
another is publishing an article attacking “the current fad
for washing rubbish before it is recycled”. He says the whole
point of throwing something away is to avoid having to wash
it, which makes sense to me.
on 13 December 2004 at 14:15
Funding problems? You're getting warm
One has to admire the sheer effrontery of Norfolk
environmentalists. Not only have they ganged up to try to
stop the Norwich northern relief road at a time when the
county has been discriminated against yet again in its
attempts to get a decent trunk road system; some of them even
have the nerve to attack scientists sceptical of global
warming because they had funding from an oil company.
So pure scientists who promote the idea of human-influenced
climate change get no funding at all? Well, not exactly. They
are totally dependent on funding, and some of it comes from
the Government, which loves global warming.
If climatologists got no funding, they would have to find
other jobs. So it is rather to their advantage to have people
panicking about the climate.
This may not affect their research at all. But then receiving
funding from an oil company may not affect other scientists’
conclusions. In the interests of balance, a distinguished
professor of geology has just said he finds the current
debate over global warming “difficult to fathom”. Dr Martin
Keeley, visiting professor at University College London, has
just pointed out that climate always changes. “If the global
climate were not getting warmer, it would be getting cooler;
stasis is not an option. We know from the geological (and
archaeological) record that weather variations and extremes
are the norm. “Such extremes occur gradually and rapidly, and
obviously were not human-induced. How then can they represent
a threat greater than that of terrorism, as the UK's
chief scientist, Professor Sir David King, maintains?”
But wait a minute – he’s a professor of petroleum geology. So
no need to listen to him.
The real problem with our obsession with global warming is
not so much politicians’ misuse of figures, or the arrogance
of people who think they can affect the climate of a planet
by changing their mode of transport. It is that the money
wasted on futile reduction of carbon dioxide emissions could
go a long way towards wiping out world poverty, giving
everyone clean drinking water, cancelling Third World debt
and eradicating Aids. All real and immediate problems.
Disturbing voice in West Norfolk car park
Noted Norfolk explorer Richard “Volcano” Meek, who has been
lost in West Norfolk for some time, has found something
disturbing in a car park in King’s Lynn.
He reports: “As I fed coins into the ticket machine I was
startled to hear a disembodied Dixon of Dock Green voice
telling me: ‘Do not leave henny value-haybles in your
vee-hicle’.
“This prompted me to wonder whether this technology could be
adapted. For example, manufacturers could be compelled to
install a tamper-proof box in all new cars which could be
programmed to give good advice. “As you get in the car in the
morning and switch on, the helpful voice might say:
‘Now...are you sure you can't go by bus? Tell you
what...I'll take you to the bus stop, and if a bus
doesn't come within 30 minutes I'll take you into
town. OK?’”
Mr Meek was reluctant to share this revolutionary idea with
readers in case someone in authority commissioned a study,
but I have assured him this is unlikely, unless the UEA’s
School of Penguins, Chess and Road Surfacing gets to hear of
it.
Drawing a line under speed cameras
Norfolk’s widely respected chief constable, Andy Hayman,
would like to “draw a line under the controversial speed
camera issue”, according to recent reports. This was after
the cameras had “delivered cuts in the accident rate that the
county should be proud of”. Presumably he was not referring
to the 46 people who died on Norfolk’s roads in the first
eight months of the year, compared to 42 in the same period
last year. Better draw a line under that too.
Fat chance of more rail passengers
Attacking earlier John Prescott predictions on transport,
Conservative Tim Yeo reminded MPs in the Commons at the end
of last month that the Deputy Prime Minister had said “rail
passengers were to increase by 50%”. This had clearly not
happened, Mr Yeo pointed out.
Maybe he has not heard the Government announcements on
obesity. Or does he think they are an attempt to prove Mr
Prescott right?
Moving tale of bus stands
The buses may not be going where you want them to, or often
enough, but apparently the bus stands on Castle Meadow in
Norwich are moving around quite nicely. I am reliably
informed that a notice there recently informed customers that
"from Monday Stand D will be back in its usual position
between stands C and E". Bit of a relief, really.