29 September 2003

on 29 September 2003 at 08:00

Real cause of road accidents

It is impossible not to sympathise with the aims of RoadPeace – a charity that helps the victims of road accidents. Few could argue with its belief that “road danger can only be dealt with by tackling its root causes: condemning irresponsible driving and educating road users about their responsibilities, and promoting a transport policy that gives equal consideration to all road users”.

The campaign by RoadPeace to put up signs in memory of crash victims seems unobjectionable – even praiseworthy. And Norfolk County Council’s disquiet at the possibility that the signs might distract drivers is hard to swallow, given the thousands of other distractions on our roads created by themselves and other organisations.

But distraction, leading to inattention by drivers, is a major problem. It is a much worse problem than speed, for instance. It is a root cause of accidents that is wrongly ignored, because it’s hard to film.

Most drivers will be disturbed that, despite the balanced quotation from the RoadPeace website quoted above, both the RoadPeace members quoted in the EDP about the campaign mentioned only speed as a problem – “speeding over the flyover” and “toe off the accelerator” being the key quotes.

It is also worrying that at least one of them can’t drive and so presumably doesn’t know that under normal circumstances a vehicle under acceleration is much more controlled than one braking or freewheeling.

The causes of road accidents are rarely simple. Those who focus entirely or even primarily on speed are doing road safety a disservice, mainly by convincing bad drivers that anyone driving slowly is driving well. If all that dawdling drivers are doing wrong is provoking rash drivers to overtake them unsafely, they are still contributing to death on our roads – in my view contributing quite significantly.

Still we find non-angels and parish councillors rushing in as soon as a tragedy happens to demand speed reduction measures. Perhaps speed cameras would be better employed to measure the haste of such people’s rhetoric and slapping a swift fine on all those who hurtle in without thinking.

One hundred years ago an Act introduced to regulate speed on the highway stated sensibly that “if any person drives recklessly, or at a speed which is dangerous to the public, having regard to all the circumstances, including the nature, condition and use of the highway and to the amount of traffic which actually is at the time or which might be expected to be on the highway, this person shall be guilty of an offence under this Act”.

Bring back the justice of this basic principle, and we could forget the red herrings and concentrate on the real causes of crashes.

Otter side of the story

The case of the wild otter and the walking boot, recounted on this page last time, has provoked a response from the animal in question, known to its friends as A N Otter.

Apparently the story started when the mammal made the mistake of washing its fur in shampoo, which of course removed all its natural oils. It was therefore in sudden need of a boot to make its way down the stream. He continued: “As you so rightly mention, there are walkers. Lots of them. And they never leave me any crisps. That makes me wild.

“Anyway, I seized one of these walkers with no crisps and took tribute in the form of the boot.”

As some might have predicted, the boot was useless, because it didn’t float – just another of the disappointments caused by poor use of English. The boot ended up tied to a post by the road, which is not surprising in the circumstances.

Book plannned by 'Volcano'

Noted Norfolk explorer Richard “Volcano” Meek has promised me that he is writing a book for Christmas. In this case, it happens to be Christmas 2008, but I am sure it will be worth the wait.

The preliminary title is Walking over Bishy Barnabees, and stems from a yomping tour of Norfolk undertaken by Mr Meek while waiting for a bus. It followed shortly after his invention of inflatable water skis received a bad press. He explained: “The speed limit on the Broads is now 5mph, which made me think that all those water skiers would sink. So I came up with my patented inflatable water skis, enabling the skier to jog along behind the boat – a bit like snow shoes.”

For some reason this brilliant idea did not receive the recognition it deserved. Undeterred, the intrepid explorer is planning an expedition to search for the source of the Wensum. Preliminary research suggests that it may be a dripping tap in Colkirk.

Hanging wheelchairs threat to walkers

I have been hearing exciting reports about the new walkway at Barton Broad. But I am a little concerned about hazards that may be lying in wait. According to a report in another organ – supplied to me by a North Walsham reader – the walkway is not only wooden but “suspended wheelchair-friendly”. This sounds dangerous to me. However enthralling the walk, and however thrilling the view at the end, the risk of developing unconsciousness through an encounter with a suspended wheelchair may be too great. Ordinary wheelchairs are tricky enough. I hope humps have been installed to slow them down.

Safer, no doubt, to have a quiet meal at a nearby Neatishead public house. But this too is fraught with difficulties. A notice outside reads: “Only park here when you are in the pub.” I don’t think I’m even going to try that.

On the tilt

Rumours published here recently that much of the Scottish Highlands is made up of land removed surreptitiously from Norfolk have been given added impetus by an alert Fakenham resident, who has been examining pictures taken by EDP photographers.

He writes: “Have you noticed that some parts of Norfolk have a definite tilt, and this is often shown by various photographs showing quite distinct ground slopes?”

He calls these phenomena “earth leanings”. He concludes: “Whether this is due to earth movements from Norfolk to Scotland or whether Hingham is involved again, I don't know. Could you please investigate?”

The only expert who would speak to me about this kind of thing, Professor V A R Scheinlich of Hingham, was sceptical, because there did not seem to be much Government funding involved. Readers may have other views.

15 September 2003

on 15 September 2003 at 08:00

Evidence for Norfolk land grab

Last time I started to tell you about my visit to the Highlands of Scotland to research the theory that they used to be part of Norfolk. Unfortunately I got a mite distracted by the traffic on the way back and lost the thread. This almost never happens.

I can reveal, however, that there is prima facie evidence to back up the theory, which stemmed originally from work done by local scientists such as Prof V A R Scheinlich of Hingham and Prof Ian “Sam” Aufmerksam, of the UEA’s School of Penguins, Chess and Road Surfacing. Most people accept that there are bits missing from Norfolk, especially in the Reepham and Halvergate areas, and many readers will have experienced the eerie sensation of going back to find somewhere that is not there any more.

This may be partly due to the deliberately misleading signposts erected by the county council as part of the war effort, but I believe there is a deeper significance to it.

Anyone who has taken even a brief look round the Highlands will tell you that there is a great deal more of them than there needs to be. Often it is obvious that whole chunks of earth have simply been dumped in unlikely places. While the overall effect is admittedly stunning, experienced lawyers feel that Norfolk has a case for retrieving some of the material.

The case has been strengthened by reader Ray Fenn of Shotesham, who tells me that while on holiday in the rural North West of Scotland some years ago, he fell into conversation with an elderly local “who told me that for several years he was employed on coastal steamers carrying coal to the power station at Norwich. “Returning downriver, they stopped at Cantley sugar beet factory and loaded topsoil which had been washed from the beet before processing. He did not say (and neither do I) that this was done with either the intention to create, or had the effect of creating, his native scenery.”

Mr Fenn is almost sure that this is what he was told, and I have to say that it rings extraordinarily true. I do feel it unlikely, however, that Lord Lucan was involved in any way, or that nudity was strictly necessary to obtain the desired artistic effect. Unfortunately my campaign to “Bring back the Hills” to Norfolk has so far received little support.

Were roadworks really necessary?

I am sure that all citizens of Norwich have been hugely entertained by the amusing roadworks around Agricultural Hall Plain. No doubt they, like me, are lost in admiration for the ingenious method selected to get the sacred cow buses directly from Upper King Street into Castle Meadow; and have enjoyed, as pedestrians, the challenge of crossing the temporary chaos without benefit of lights. But I do wonder if the whole thing might have been avoided in a much more boring way, and at great saving to the communal purse. Since the constant hold-ups in Rose Lane are caused almost entirely by cars queuing to get into the Castle Mall car park, wouldn’t it have been simpler to station a couple of traffic wardens permanently in a strategic position to move the lemming drivers on? I admit it doesn’t allow the transport people to have so much fun with their Lego, but sometimes the taxpayer should come first.

Encounter of the otter kind

Walkers in the wilds of Norfolk are prepared for strange encounters of the first, second or third kinds – and more besides. A regular yomper tells me of two baffling, possibly connected items that he stumbled across close to the Suffolk border.

The first, near Earsham, was the sign “Slow! Wild Otter” on a bridge. While most of us are aware that Earsham and otters are virtually synonymous, this is still mysterious. Why was the otter so wild? Was he a member of Transport 2000? It was apparently a bit unnerving. You get used to trolls trying to stop you crossing bridges, but otters tend not to go in for this sort of thing, deeming it uncivilised.

Happily, the renegade otter in question must have been asleep, and the yomp continued safely. But not far away was something that gave the walkers more pause for thought: a single walking boot tied by its laces to the bottom of a signpost. In case you doubt this, I can reveal that I have a picture of it – too graphic, unfortunately, to be published in a family newspaper.

What could it mean? Had a walker been dragged to his death by the wild otter, managing to tie his boot to the post in a last, desperate bid to warn others (there was a plastic spoon nearby)? Or is there somewhere in Norfolk a walker who has not noticed that he has shed one of his boots? The truth is out there.

'Hingham' democracy gets new boost

The cutting edge style of democracy pioneered by the Autonomous Republic of Hingham has been taken a step further by a town in central Norfolk.

The original breakthrough at Hingham, an area well known for its ability to bend time and space, consisted in asking local people what they thought of key issues – particularly the sale of a controversial Scout Hut – and then ignoring them on a technicality. Now Swaffham has leapt vigorously on to the bandwagon. A poll on a plan to extend the town hall at a cost of £300,000 was put to the people, who responded in what might be described as a clear-cut fashion. The actual score was 486 people voting against and only 103 in favour – or not far off 5-1, the sort of result we could only dream of against the footballers of Liechtenstein.

This did not sway the stolid councillors of the parish, who had already decided in favour of the status-enhancing scheme. A bigger house always impresses the neighbours, though I’m sure that was not the motivation for the extension. I have no doubt that the extra space is urgently needed to deal with council business like – well, like counting the results of parish polls, for instance. Anyway, we all know from industry that everything has to grow, don’t we?

Of course, as Mayor Ian Sherwood pointed out, the town council was not legally bound to take any action over the referendum result: it was merely a source of information. So that’s all right. The council is not doing anything wrong at all and is perfectly entitled to its extra rooms.

A group romantically named Stag (less romantically, the Swaffham Taxpayers’ Action Group) has said it will continue to contest the plans, but I am a little worried. Stags are notoriously vulnerable to stalking and often come to a sticky end. Antlers would look good over the new door, don’t you think?

1 September 2003

on 1 September 2003 at 08:00

Retaliation and how not to get away with it

In the 1960s, when referees started sending off footballers who retaliated instead of those who committed the initial foul, they could have had no idea that it would lead to the Clean Environment Act of 2005.

But it was all part of the emerging culture of placing the blame on the victim, instead of the offender.

Footballers can still plunge in with bruising borderline challenges, knowing that any instinctive response by the victim is more likely to get him sent off than them. At the same time burglars have been encouraged to sue householders, and car drivers may have to pay for damage caused by cyclists.

And now, if the Government gets its way, landowners will have to pay to get rid of rubbish dumped on their land by people they dont know and have never seen.

This is outrageous by itself, but it is made even more memorably outrageous by the fact that it is the Government that is to blame for the increased amount of dumping. Could ministers really not have worked out that a massive increase in landfill tax would lead to illegal dumping? Are they stupid, or simply cynical?

During a walk through Ringland Hills, just outside Norwich, a few days ago, I came upon a selection of household appliances, rubble and other assorted litter. This is bound to get worse if or should I say when the Government increases landfill tax still further.

There is no way landowners can stop people dumping without fencing their property, which is just another kind of pollution. Barbed wire is even more unsightly than electricity pylons.

Of course no-one should dump rubbish, but of course people will, just as they continue to drop litter. How about a massive increase in the punishment for that?

Anyone who cares about our environment will want rubbish and litter to disappear. We have to be prepared to pay for that as a community, and it should be a priority.

If only the Government would copy Breckland Council, which has decided to remove and crush cars abandoned in its area. Maybe the main objective is untaxed vehicles, and maybe it will play into the hands of people who want to avoid paying to have their cars scrapped, but at least the rubbish will disappear.

Taking the high ground

Investigating a claim by experts that the Scottish Highlands used to be part of Norfolk, I spent a fortnight in the Highlands looking for links.

It is quite obvious that Norfolk is unnaturally flat, I was told. Equally, the Highlands are unnaturally hilly.

It seems fairly obvious that in the remote past, a great deal of Norfolk land was transported to the Highlands.

It was an extremely relaxing two weeks, marred only by the journey home. Travelling from Aberdeenshire down to Carlisle was quite pleasant, but then we hit the border. Immediately the road deteriorated and within a mile or two we were in 40mph road works restrictions. It was almost like entering another country. Oh yes, it was another country. It was our country.

The M6 in the Manchester area is always a nightmare. This year some genius in the Highways Agency thought it was a good idea to follow up long bridge-strengthening delays almost immediately with long resurfacing delays. This is the Highways Agencys version of the Chinese water torture, and by the time we reached Stoke it became clear that it was having a similar effect.

The biggest danger on long-distance roads is not speed but frustration. As an experienced driver well aware of the dangers, I was still twitchy in a dignified sort of way.

So I am tempted again to ask why we are obsessed by the dangers of speed and why the reaction of a councillor in Suffolk to two crashes which are not speed-related is to demand a reduced speed limit. But of course I am obsessed by the subject; so I will not do that.

However I would like to congratulate Norfolk police in carrying out an investigation into the real reason for accidents at dangerous junctions instead of just slapping up speed cameras.

And I would like to ask why, if speed is a primary cause of accidents, deaths on British roads were 7343 in 1934, when only 2.4 vehicles were registered, and 3423 in 1999 well under half, with over ten times as many much speedier vehicles on the road.

And further, why this excellent and continuous decline suddenly ended in 2001, at the point when speed became the national obsession and the speed camera companies starting making lots of money. Some mistake, surely?

Just tick here

I was disturbed to read of an increase in the number of ticks about, especially in the Thetford area. I have noticed that this corresponds with a massive increase in the number of documents that include tick boxes. These vary from educational assessments to amazingly pointless surveys and funding initiatives.

Clearly tick boxes must contain ticks, and as most of these can be dangerous to health, irrelevant, wrong or misleading, I suggest that we abolish all these documents immediately. There is no time to lose.

Newt expansion goes underground

Happily a large number of schools have taken the first step in this direction by refusing to have anything to do with PFI funding. Some have attributed the rejection to politics or doubts about the companies involved, but my information is that the documents involved are so complicated that a head teacher would require roughly 36 hours a day to cope with them. This is only possible in the Hingham area during time distortion events.

Norfolk veteran Henry (Fred) Shrimp Houseago has come out of hiding to warn East Anglians about a new coup by great crested newts, whose expansionist plans he exposed some years ago.

The newts, who already enjoy greater freedom to cross the A11 than people thanks to specially constructed tunnels have now persuaded English Heritage, a particularly gullible organisation, to publish a leaflet calling on locals to safeguard them.

The aggressive amphibians, which have infiltrated various levels of local government in the region, have been condemned by Mr Houseago. They will stop at nothing, he warned. The only consolation for Norfolk people is that they are particularly suited to Suffolk.

Let's be moving on

Interesting comment from Norwich police on the huge two-hour snarl-up at the exit from the Castle Mall car park in the city one day last week

Apparently they did not notice anything was wrong. They had spotted a traffic jam in the Rose Lane area, but that was not unusual; so they didnt have to do anything about it.

Presumably they apply the same principle to burglaries.