23 April 2007
Green Party gets to grips with submarines
I was talking to that nice Rupert Read the other day – he’s the transport spokesman for the Green Party in Norwich, which is a bit like being the flight spokesman for submarines.
Mr Read told me he was against road-building because it had been scientifically demonstrated, by scientists, that building new roads created new traffic. This is an amusing idea, but only to statisticians. My own research indicates that new traffic is created by rain, especially in the afternoons.
However, the traffic creation idea is a handy one if you just don’t like roads – if, for instance, you don’t drive a car. It might also encourage you to want to close roads to cars, because that would mean you are actually reducing traffic – at least on the roads that are closed. And of course if you don’t drive a car, it doesn’t bother you at all.
The Green theory, as I understand it, is that if they close roads, then we will all rush out and use buses. Don’t you just love them?
Or maybe they think we’ll all start cycling. “Additional staff time for supporting the needs of cyclists”, plus “making the road network cycle-friendly” stand beside “closure of more roads to motor vehicles” in the party’s manifesto.
I wonder how many Green Party members are actually cyclists. Well, nothing wrong with looking after your friends. Just in case, like most people, you use four wheels in Norwich, the next two roads on the Green closure hit list are Westlegate and St Augustine’s. Which brings me to house-building. I think we should stop it, because no sooner is a new house built than someone moves into it. Scientific evidence shows that new houses encourage new occupants, and of course new carbon emissions. Mr Read, who lectures in philosophy at the University of East Anglia, is something of an expert on Ludwig Wittgenstein, which is good to hear. Everyone should have an area of expertise.
But I feel that there are a couple of quotations from Ludwig that he may have overlooked: • “It is one of the chief skills of the philosopher not to occupy himself with questions that do not concern him.” And • “A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that's unlocked and opens inward - as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push.”
For balance, here’s one that he has clearly embraced fully: “I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.”
Chance of a weekend break on the moon
I met a friend who told me she had bought some land on the moon. I was delighted. If there is anything better than owning land on the moon, it’s having a friend who owns land on the moon, and I envisage calling in for the odd weekend there when things get unbearable down here, which doesn’t seem too far off.
The advantages of living on the moon are fairly obvious. You don’t have to worry about rising sea levels or lunar warming, and there are hardly any speed cameras. There are also surprisingly few politicians, though that could change. Best of all, there are no wind turbines.
Funny things, wind turbines. They have a strange effect on people’s minds – presumably it’s the humming.
Take Hempnall, for instance. A company which wants to erect a windfarm there staged a public exhibition to put the villagers’ minds at rest, only to run into substantial opposition. A campaign group asked villagers whether they wanted the windfarm, and 83 per cent of those who replied said they did not.
The company’s reaction? “There is a large silent contingent who support what we want to do.” Naturally, they’re pressing ahead.
Isn’t it wonderful, living in a democracy? Next time a party loses an election, a large silent contingent will have supported them, and therefore they will be justified in ignoring the fact that only two people actually voted for them. Dictatorship, coming soon to a democracy near you.
Solution possible for city full of holes
Norwich residents have come to terms with the fact that the city is full of holes. Most of them are in council policies, but some are caused by old chalk mines subsiding.
The fact that my house could suddenly disappear downwards is a minor worry compared with, say, the weather getting warmer next year, but it is always in the back of your mind, so I was tremendously reassured to read that the city’s facilities and buildings maintenance manager has gone on record as saying: “It could happen again and could be catastrophic.”
She thinks it’s unlikely, though. That’s why the council isn’t doing anything about it, which is fair enough. It’s so unconcerned that it doesn’t even keep records of where subsidences have happened, unless “ it involves a road or one of our properties”.
Such altruism is always good to hear. Meanwhile, an Erpingham company has offered to deal with the holes.
Houseago Inc, owned by entrepreneur and legend Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago, has offered to fill them in with a “sustainable substance”, possibly chalk. He claims to have an extensive map of the city underground, which he got off the Internet.
“If the chalk idea is unacceptable, we plan to build apartments and night clubs in them,” he said last night. When asked, he said the carbon footprints would be almost invisible, mainly because it was so dark down there.
Climate of incompetence
A Foreign Secretary I know was roundly condemned for her handling of the Iran hostage situation – and indeed, it did seem particularly inept. Nevertheless, there she was, a few days later, chairing the first UN Security Council debate on climate change.
At first I thought it was strange that someone who was so incompetent one day could be given such an apparently important role the next.
Was it true, as someone suggested, that uttering the words “global warming” or “climate change” immediately pushes up the IQ by 20 or 30 points? Or is it that having shown herself to be totally out of touch with reality in Iran, she was felt to be the ideal person for the job?