26 February 2007
Crises bring dictators out of the woodwork
You may get hot under the collar about global warming, or it may send a shiver of indifference up your spine. But one thing is sure: it brings a worrying assortment of would-be dictators out of the woodwork.
With every prediction of catastrophe from scientists or politicians comes another opportunity for the enforcers to scramble on to the moral high ground and punish those who would rather chew things over than blindly swallow whatever ill-thought- out fast-food climate recipe fits the day’s headlines.
Some of these potential dictators work for pressure groups; others are in the House of Commons. But the most disturbing kind are in local government.
There is nothing that any local council in the United Kingdom can do to affect the world’s climate. The very idea is ludicrous. But this does not stop council leaders like Serge Lourie, of the London Borough of Richmond, from wanting to penalise residents who own and park vehicles that don’t meet his criteria for carbon emissions. And of course he would like other councils to follow his lead.
So he must be pleased with Brighton, where the council wants to increase the cost of a parking permit by 50 per cent for those residents whose cars emit higher levels of carbon dioxide. And with any other council that goes along that road.
Individuals may very reasonably want to purchase vehicles that emit less carbon dioxide: they are free to do so, and there is no reason why the Government should not encourage them. But where a local council takes it upon itself to act as judge and jury in a case where we are not even sure there is a crime, it goes far beyond its remit.
A long time ago, H L Mencken said that “the urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule”. The anger gives it away.
And now for somewhere completely different
The inhabitants of sleepy little Thetford got a little miffed when Americans living there affectionately renamed their fine town Theftford, in memory of … well, certain losses.
But it got me wondering. What other local place names are open to this kind of creative reinterpretation? The one that sprang to mind immediately was Slowestoft, in recognition of its being the home of apparently permanent roadworks and ever- deepening frustration.
Others were inviting, but less apposite. Flakenham does not see exceptional snowfall; nor does it boast an extraordinary number of unbalanced people, as far as I am aware. There are not that many murders in Killverstone, and robberies in Stealham are not so much above the national average.
Loverstrand may be a seductive spot for an illicit liaison, but there are not many explosions in Bangham. Street attacks in Maulbarton are relatively rare, and Yellverton, I seem to remember from when I lived there, was not noted for its noisy drunks; nor is Sweardeston.
Achle can be a bit of a pain on summer Saturdays, but Burglingham’s houses are pretty secure. I may have been bribed not to insert a letter in Bungay, but when it comes to Wymondham – well, you can insert as many letters as you like: they’ll all be silent.
Drereham is not as boring as all that. Plumpstead does not attract oversize people, any more than Leanwade is a haven for slimmers. And as for Freedham, it’s a nice idea.
Newts' scheme is for the birds
The scheme by great crested newts to get themselves categorised as “endangered” and then obtain additional living space by forcing road builders to construct expensive newt-friendly estates has rebounded rather badly.
A reader tells me that highly expensive fencing was erected to collect at-risk newts at Wymondham when the new A11 was built. Collecting stations were positioned every 50 yards or so, consisting of pots into which the newts were supposedly to fall to safety.
The theory seemed quite good, but the fencing was held up by posts, most of which were adjacent to the collection points.
Travelling to work early in the mornings, my informant would frequently see a magpie on each post, waiting for his breakfast.
Magpies tend to be earlier risers than conservationists and are not endangered at all. Rumours that they were employed as consultants to the contractors have however been discounted.
Norfolk legend Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago, who was involved in the original battles against expansionist newts, was reported last night to be celebrating callously at a pub near Erpingham.
Magpies are believed by many newts to be an omen of bad luck. They are watching the plans for the Norwich North Distributor Road very closely.
Déjà vu all over again
The original Attleborough bypass, in all its single carriageway glory, was completed in 1984 – just over 20 years before construction on the new all-singing, up-and- down dual carriageway began.
Even the most short-sighted of us could see that bypass number one was a waste of time and money of monumental proportions, and so it has proved.
Perhaps those who approved it would like to step forward, preferably into the middle of the new road, and apologise.
With the missing £8 million this time round, and the shoulder-shrugging refusal of the Highways Agency to upgrade the Besthorpe junction, the words déjà and vu will not be far from many people’s lips.
Going in the right direction?
Seven more people died on Norfolk roads last year than in 2005. Figures for the last three years were 64, 59 and 66, which certainly doesn’t constitute a steady downward trend – the sort of trend that might be expected with the big advances in vehicle safety, road engineering and, ahem, devices designed to reduce the speed of traffic.
The figures reflect the national situation pretty closely, and beg one pretty obvious question: Is the Government going in the right direction?
The fashion nowadays is to accept everything government scientists say or be accused of being “in denial”. This is an even less healthy trend. More thought, please.