1 May 2006
People are more than lumps of metal
The temptation to reduce road safety to a formula of some kind is one that has to be firmly resisted.
This is partly because formulae have a tendency to be misinterpreted, especially when those using them don’t understand them – like one reader who clearly doesn’t grasp the difference between speed and acceleration.
But it is mainly because people, and not just lumps of metal, are involved in accidents.
Some people may display all the intellectual qualities of lumps of metal, but even they are much more than that. They have a degree of intelligence, but they also have a wide range of emotions and character traits which will persuade them to take certain courses of action. Frustration, for instance, and fear. Scattiness and idleness too.
But all that is complicated, so those responsible for our safety on the roads prefer to go for something simple, like restricting speed, and are surprised when this doesn’t make any real impression.
Happily there are those who take road safety more seriously and want to prevent vehicles hitting each other, rather than have them hit each other at lower speeds.
They investigate the real causes of action, like inattention and fatigue. A King’s Lynn reader has pointed out that extensive US research lasting over a year and over two million miles has found that almost 80 per cent of crashes and 65 per cent of near-crashes happen within three seconds of some form of driver distraction.
Multi-tasking drivers were three times as likely to be involved in a crash as more attentive motorists who did not put on make-up, eat breakfast or – particularly – chat on mobile phones. It also found that drowsy drivers were four times as likely to have a crash or near-crash.
Much nearer to home, one driver trainer is trying to tackle these and other problems. Jackie Willis, who has recently set up a new school based near Norwich called Driver Education & Training Services (www.drets.co.uk), is concerned that the excessive use of speed limits “is actually stopping people thinking for themselves”.
Her training courses for drivers “are designed to make drivers think, not just how to control their vehicle, which is what most drivers think refresher or advanced courses are all about. My aim is to produce advanced thinking drivers.”
That is why her learner driver courses also include classroom workshops, designed to develop greater understanding of the driving task in all its facets, including driver “attitude”.
It’s good to find someone in the driver education business who doesn’t take the laziest option.
Secret plans to cover us all with grass
Leaked papers obtained by this page have revealed, shockingly, that the plan to put more Norfolk farms out to grass is just the start of a campaign to change the face of East Anglia for ever.
A source close to Pondhenge said yesterday that farmers had to be dealt with. While the Zimbabwe solution was felt to be “a little too extreme”, the farms-to-grass blueprint fitted the bill.
He added that it was not just farmers who would be affected. “We – I mean they – are planning to put several towns and villages out to grass too.”
A far-sighted pilot project at Caistor St Edmund, near Norwich, earlier last century had worked particularly well. “The Roman town has been preserved under grass for the future,” he said. “We feel Norwich could go the same way. Maybe the whole of Norfolk.”
He blamed global warming and collagen biospheres. Tory leader David Cameron is in Norway.
Peaceful wheel for coastal resort
Plans to scrap the big wheel project scheduled for The Forum in Norwich are widely believed by several people to have resulted from the exposure by me of its secret role as a weapon of mass destruction.
“We couldn’t risk UN observers getting involved,” said City Hall spokesman Len (Kissme) Hardy. “So we’ve decided to palm it off on Yarmouth.”
The well-loved east-coast resort is believed to have few designs on neighbouring countries, and there should therefore be no objections to its obtaining the “wheel”. A report that the council wanted Lowestoft wiping off the face of the earth has been largely discounted.
“I’m quite happy that they want it for purely peaceful purposes,” said Mr Hardy. “Of course if they get enough of them it could turn nasty.”
Newts angry at 'cynical' Norfolk frogs
Great crested newts from the Wymondham area have launched a vicious attack on pool frogs with Norfolk accents.
The frogs, which feature on a CD of rare British animals, have been accused by the newts of “cynically pretending to be extinct, or endangered, whatever”.
The expansionist Wymondham newts, notorious for what they describe as their consortium’s “glorious struggle” against Norfolk legend Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago in the battle over greenfield sites near the A11, failed to make it on to the CD, despite their fame and so-called endangered status.
“The newts are demanding a voice,” said Professor Ian “Sam” Aufmerksam of the UEA’s School of Penguins, Chess and Road Surfacing, who is acting as their agent on a temporary basis. “Recent studies reveal that almost no-one knows what they sound like.”
He admitted that claims that the newts had infiltrated most areas of local government and parts of Brundall had not been entirely discounted, but felt it was irrelevant.
Mr Houseago, speaking from his holiday home at Happisburgh, said newts could easily be detected by the nonsense they spouted, and the last thing we wanted was to have them on CD.
Crossing move targets pedestrians
The town of Whynge, which appeared from the sea following a temporary fall in sea levels and is now often on the coast, has come up with a dramatic new way to help pedestrians avoid traffic.
It is piloting a scheme to replace traditional light-controlled pedestrian crossings with ground-breaking ones that prevent anatomically normal people from seeing whether they can cross safely until they have actually crossed the road.
“In placing the green man so that he cannot be seen by someone approaching the crossing, we feel everyone will take things more slowly,” said a traffic manager last night. “We are also introducing a two-minute phase where the lights are red for both pedestrians and traffic. This will enable everyone to stop and think and maybe have a coffee.”
He said suggestions that people might cross on red were “unrealistic”.