6 March 2006
Pedestrians only? Sorry, we need it for heavy lorries
Thousands of people meant to write in after reading the article in which I suggested that traffic lights on roundabouts were an extremely bad idea. All were in agreement. One did actually write in and said that people pretty much understood how roundabouts worked (without any power supply, incidentally). He also pointed out that such lights are self-promoting: for every traffic light controlling access to the roundabout there must be another one stopping traffic on the roundabout – no doubt emitting carbon as it does so.
But of course lights are very good at annoying drivers and stopping traffic unnecessarily, so that’s all right – in much the same way that people enjoy cheap air travel, so that’s all right too, though it emits even more carbon.
Coincidentally a few months ago thousands of people were also in favour of pedestrianising the ancient and lovely Westlegate in our fair city of Norwich, on the grounds that, in the words of city councillor Judith Lubbock, it was a golden opportunity to reduce traffic in the city centre. There was much anger at evil Conservative councillors who helped to block this measure, which was backed by all the good little guys like the John Lewis Partnership and the Chapelfield development.
Bit embarrassing really, because now it turns out that the only way that big articulated lorries can get to the Chapelfield development is down Westlegate, which must be really wonderful for pedestrians. The corners on the route everyone assumed they would take – through Little Bethel Street – are too tight for the monsters to negotiate without actually killing people.
That sort of thing is very hard to spot, of course, but still there doesn’t seem to be an awful lot of foresight in the area of traffic planning. If there was, someone might have avoided spending money on a big consultation about the pedestrianisation of Westlegate when it was not only unnecessary but apparently pointless. In fact if they had accidentally managed to pedestrianise Westlegate, they would now have to unpedestrianise it, or watch Chapelfield crumble into dust, starved of supplies.
As with the lights-on-roundabouts fiasco, my correspondent’s question is very much to the point: “Who makes these decisions, spends so much money and seems both invisible and unaccountable?”
It's money, Rosie, but not as we know it
I have a tendency to be sympathetic to anyone called Rosie. I don’t know why. But when health minister Rosie Winterburn’s visit to the James Paget Hospital at Gorleston was “hijacked” by a radiologist, I had to admit I was all for the hijack, even though the radiologists’s name was Eryl.
We all know the Government is pouring money into the health service, just as it is pouring money into schools. What is not so widely known is the cackhanded way in which it does so. As Dr Eryl Thomas pointed out, the Government spent loads of cash on scanners for the Gorleston hospital. But instead of supplying money to run them, it pays a private company to run a mobile scanner in the car park while the hospital’s scanners stand idle.
This is so mind-bogglingly stupid that you might think that even the Government would spot it. But no, it happens in many other hospitals too. Something strangely similar also happens in schools. Not long ago the Government poured bucketloads of money into schools to purchase state-of-the-art computer software. But the schools were not allowed to spend any of the money on hardware – which meant they ended up with lots of expensive software which they couldn’t run on their out-of-date, low-tech, fragile computers.
Never mind, the Government can go on boasting about all the money they’re giving schools and hospitals. So that’s all right too.
Sheep in midfield for low-flying Canaries
The Flying Flock – about 1000 sheep belonging to the Norfolk Wildlife Trust which have been trained to parachute into conservation sites all over the county – are scheduled to put in an appearance at Carrow Road this week.
“Recently the pitch has been falling into intermittent disuse,” said auxiliary shepherd and pilot Sven (Twitcher) Green. “We want to conserve it so that it can be used for football again on a regular basis.”
Mr Green said one of the sheep worked hard all over the pitch and could get into the team against Sheffield United. Last week some of the flock went missing in the Autonomous Republic of Hingham, but were eventually located near a Scout Hut. “They were defending too deep,” said Mr Green.
Plenty of water here: just bring a bucket
Yes, it’s the season of drought warnings. As you know, it’s not only getting warmer (oh yes it is) but drier too. In fact it may well be the driest since time began. Strange, then, that when a water pipe broke in a housing association dwelling in Norwich just after 2pm last Tuesday – a fact that was quickly reported – it was not until just after 6.30pm that anyone arrived to do something about it.
Even then, the poor condition of the stopcocks meant that when I left the nearby home of a friend at after 7.30pm, water was still pouring – and I mean pouring – out on to the passageway.
Inside, six inches of water throughout was probably an underestimate.
It makes taking a shower instead of a bath seem a little pointless, somehow.
Helium-3 may have been found in Norfolk black hole
Plans by Russia to start mining on the moon for helium-3, an isotope with enormous energy potential, may be upstaged by a Norfolk company.
Houseago Inc, the North Norfolk conglomerate fronted by local legend Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago, is believed to have located “quite a lot” of helium-3 in a gravel pit near Reepham. “We believe it’s a cosmic phenomenon linked to the nearby black hole of Norfolk,” said sales manager Len “Kissme” Hardy, of Hindolveston. Houseago Inc says it plans to remove a large number of great crested newts from the pond to enable it to get at the helium-3. “We think it’s helium-3,” said Mr Houseago from his home at Erpingham last night, “but it might only be helium-2. It’s very cold and it keeps leaking out. But then it does get very cold around Reepham.
“We’re optimistic, and we’ll get rid of the newts anyway.”