30 October 2006
Expedition to seek sweet spot in Dereham Dessert
Thousands of people have been asking me what has happened to Richard “Volcano” Meek, the intrepid Norfolk explorer whose exploits occasionally grace this space.
In fact he has been exploring local long-distance footpaths, and readers who are looking for more intellectual stimulation than they will find here can scan the erudite, compelling and indeed entertaining results on the internet at http:// walkingoverbishybarnabees.blogspot.com.
Meanwhile he tells me that he is about to tackle a mystery that rivals the fabled Lasseter’s Reef – a ridge of solid gold supposedly found around the turn of the century in the vast Western Australian desert but never located since.
I understand that, somewhat surprisingly, Norfolk has its own Lasseter - a grizzled old prospector who stumbled into a Little Chef on the A47 in barely civilised times before the road was even dualled. (Oh, it still isn’t, is it?)
He was barely alive and hard to understand, but he was heard to croak “Demerara” before collapsing. It turned out that he had found an unrefined map drawn by two fabled explorers who had found a reef of pure sugar - cubes the size of a man's fist, sugar beet the size of his head.
Could it be, wondered Mr Meek, that "Demerara" had been misheard and misunderstood? Could the prospector have croaked "Dereham Area"? Could Beetley be the new Eldorado?
Volcano intends to find out by leading an expedition into the great Dereham Dessert in search of riches and fame. Previous expeditions have found only Fool's Beet or "Dumpling Green", as geologists sometimes call it.
He is hoping to sign up members of the recent Over 80s expedition that discovered previously unknown tribes of forest dwellers in Foxley Wood. Excitement is mounting almost daily.
Flexible fares and drivers with discretion
Readers will be relieved to hear that the gentleman who had difficulty finding out about buses to Norwich Airport achieved some success after his story appeared on this page.
He rang up County Hall again and found himself speaking to someone who not only knew about buses but revealed that he could catch a park-and-ride bus from Castle Meadow to the airport on payment of just £1.
A trifle suspicious (I don’t know why) my informant decided on a dummy run and, after reaching Castle Meadow from the station without more trouble than you might expect, found an airport park-and-ride bus strategically placed.
Unfortunately its driver wanted to charge him £2 instead of the promised £1. He was also helpful enough to point out that when my informant travelled “for real” and had his wife him, they would have to pay £2 each.
My informant pointed out that this seemed a little curious when cars were allowed to park for £1.50, which included transporting the driver and all his passengers to and from the city centre; so the bus driver relented, charged him the £1 the council had suggested - and presented him with a free voucher for his return trip.
The flexible fare structure and degree of discretion are certainly surprising, but no doubt that’s what you get in a free market economy. At least the bus went to the airport as advertised.
Meanwhile my informant was recording his arrival and departure at the various bus stops, and as a result proposes suggesting to County Hall that a team of people could be recruited to record actual journey times on various routes, so that realistic journey times could be publicised.
He has even thought of a name for such a team – "Waitwatchers". Which somehow makes it all worth while.
Lowestoft ideal spot for new airport, says report
A shock report by the School of Penguins, Chess and Road Surfacing at the UEA has revealed that airports come in the same category as wind farms, except that their propellers are smaller.
Government-funded in-depth research disclosed that people object to both wind farms and airports on land, but don’t mind them at sea.
Following the report, a feasibility study has been ordered into the possibility of siting an East Anglian Regional Airport at Lowestoft. Locals say this is the ideal place, as the town already has an annual air show, and much of the infrastructure, such as waves, is already in place.
A number of companies have said they are keen to dip their toes in the water.
Car ownership gets unexpected lift
People who find it hard to tear themselves away from their cars will be delighted to hear that they can now take them to bed.
And the technology that makes it possible is ideally suited to the new riverside apartment blocks springing up around Norwich – with the added advantage that the cars that are taken to bed would no longer incur city council parking charges.
The idea, originating in Germany of course, is called CarLoft, and it involves installing a car-size lift in the building. This would then raise the car to the level of your apartment, where an appropriate slot would be available for it. And if you really wanted to, you could put your bed next to it – though a garden is the preferred option.
The whole process, I am assured, would take no more than two minutes. Of course this does not include installing the lift, but what really worries me is something else.
What happens when the lift breaks down? The car can hardly take the stairs.
Still it is unarguable that the car is safer up there, as the architects of the scheme point out. And your family would no doubt be removed from the risk of carjacking and kidnapping – perennial Norfolk problems.
Apparently there is a lot of interest from Russia and Israel.