27 June 2005
Drivers' fault for wanting to go shopping
Sensitive readers have been shocked to discover that the new Chapelfield shopping development in Norwich, due to open in three months’ time, may cause traffic problems in the city.
You might think that it would have been possible to predict this some time ago, but no, it seems to have come as a surprise to Norwich City Council. And of course it’s not their fault.
Whose fault is it? Well, as usual it’s the drivers, just as it was when the city gridlocked in a bit of snow, and everyone took what seemed the sensible decision to leave for home early. Now it will be the drivers’ fault for attempting to drive to Chapelfield when they could walk or take a bus.
The 1000-space car park at Chapelfield has of course been designed to encourage bus use. Why can’t car drivers see that?
If Chapelfield turns belly up it will be a disaster for Norwich, and one way of courting such a disaster is to make it highly undesirable to use. Presumably the retailers like cars, because you can pile more purchases into cars than you can get under your arms, so you would expect the city council and their colleague on the joint highways committee to make sure that cars could be used easily.
But no, of course not. The city council is renowned for making car use harder and increasing congestion by closing alternative routes in the city. What are they doing about Chapelfield? Not a lot.
“I am sure it will sort itself out,” said city councillor Judith Lubbock – presumably her slogan when she stands for re-election. Tony Adams, chairman of the highways committee, was not convinced by this. “It’s going to be bad whatever you do,” he said last week. But it’s going to be a damn site worse if we do nothing.”
A retail development expert said some time ago that “Chapelfield might drown in its own success and blight its own profitability by causing traffic gridlock, giving many drivers another valid reason to avoid the rest of the city. “We need action to have an alternative and quickly implementable traffic plan in place.”
Various methods of fiddling while Norwich burns have been suggested, including rephasing the lights on Grapes Hill roundabout and drawing yellow boxes on the roads. This is not enough, and it may be too late to put things right, even given the will that city councillors clearly do not have.
They will just wait until the city grinds to a standstill or people just give up and go elsewhere to shop. What will they do then? It’s obvious, isn’t it? Put up the car park prices.
Removal of cats' eyes: the real explanation
Almost thousands of people have been asking me why so many cats’ eyes are being removed from roads across the county.
In the past I have speculated on the cruelty of such measures and the names of the cats involved, but so persistent were the inquiries that I thought I would take a revolutionary step and ask someone who knew.
It turns out that it is all to do with the route hierarchy review, a fascinating document which I imagine would be a big seller, given the right impetus.
The idea of the review is to channel traffic on to the more important roads, so that all the congestion happens in one place. The less important roads then lose their cats’ eyes, which are not thrown away but recycled on to new major routes, such as bypasses.
So we should end up with safety features such as cats’ eyes concentrated in places where they are most needed, and I am told that efforts are being made to ensure everything is in good order by next winter.
Some readers may feel that they would like cats’ eyes retained on as many roads as possible, but as with so many road safety measures, the money is not available. I expect it was all spent on speed limit signs.
Time and jumbo problems at North Walsham
Following the recent revelation that there is a lost mammoth herd roaming in Felthorpe Woods, it comes as little surprise to find relatives of the woolly beasts in other odd places. Noted Norfolk explorer Richard “Volcano” Meek tells me that he has spotted “Jumbows” in North Walsham Market Place, on an egg stall.
This is not altogether surprising, since North Walsham sometimes rivals the Autonomous Republic of Hingham in its disregard for the normal niceties of reality. Even time and space vary, as was apparent from a recent notice on the Cromer road, which read boldly: “Afternoon car boot 11am today”.
A lovely woman
My mother-in-law died a fortnight ago. She was not famous: she had rarely travelled outside her native Norfolk and never outside the UK. Born in Hempstead in 1920, she moved to Banningham when she was still a young child, and eventually settled in North Walsham when she married. She lived there the rest of her life, apart from a year or so in Cromer at the end.
Her name was Dorothy Cousens, and she was one of the very, very few really good people that I have met: loving, self-effacing, eager to put others first and always seeing the best in everyone. Other than marrying her daughter, one of the most fortunate things that has happened to me was to be her son-in-law.
Since she died, many people have remarked on “how lovely she was” – the sort of obituary that most of us would die for, as it were. It’s not likely to happen to a newspaper columnist, of course. My wife, who has many of her mother’s qualities, is in the habit of moving things around the house and leaving them in odd places. When questioned, she says: “It’s on its way somewhere.”
This, I have decided, is the best I can hope for on my tombstone: “He was on his way somewhere.” It’s unlikely that Norfolk’s road system will improve enough for me to actually get there.