12 July 2004
Flyover snails set normal pace
Unsurprisingly for a society that thinks speed is a major social problem, we seem to have more and more difficulty getting things done on time.
The notorious flyover snails in Norwich were a prime example. Masquerading as a construction company, they managed to exceed the stated time for completion of renovation work on the Magdalen Street crawl-over by a period so ludicrously large that in the end people just laughed – or cried.
Even though motorists don’t normally count, the city council was embarrassed enough to say it wouldn’t happen again. And it hasn’t, quite. Admittedly the Prince of Wales Road jigsaw puzzle was supposed to be finished in April, but hey, it’s only July. The city council hasn’t even worked itself up to slightly indignant yet.
The schools PFI scheme for Norfolk, involving that exciting company Jarvis, is now to no-one’s surprise (except possibly certain County Hall officials) two years behind schedule and possibly on the brink of falling through completely.
And out in the county and beyond it’s becoming quite normal to see road works scheduled for 38 weeks, or some other number so huge that it would be quicker for normal human beings to build several new roads instead.
As I write, Saxlingham Nethergate, south of Norwich, is closed to through traffic for at least 12 weeks for drainage work, inconveniencing huge numbers of people. And that’s the crux, isn’t it? People don’t matter any more. It’s easier for the construction company to shut off miles of country roads, and so they do.
Even Norwich Cathedral has been hit by a variation of the plague. Its much-heralded, sparkling new library was due to be in full use by now. It was officially opened by the Bishop in May, and librarian Gudrun Warren – as well as a large number of potential users – must be frustrated by various delays that mean the earliest it will now be actually open is September.
The usual problems of slotting square workmen into round holes are cited, and one sceptic suggested that the cutting-edge shelving was discovered not to fit well on to medieval flint walls. I’m sure that can’t be right.
On stepping out of the delightful new refectory and peering through the library’s forlornly closed glass doors the other day, I was struck by two things: a worryingly vague sign saying it would be open “in due course” and a notice affixed to an inside wall, headed “Divine Inspiration”. So it’s come to that.
That green, green feeling
Following my piece a month ago on the deceptive double-standard green badge system for disabled parking in Norwich, I received several letters from people who were extremely angry at the city council’s inflexible attitude. One suggested that the “fine city” tag was “something of a sick joke to the elderly and disabled people I have spoken to”. She suggested that “Norwich – the Exclusive City” might be more appropriate.
Following the recent election, the Greens may be rejoicing at a greener council for the city, but until this system is ended, the word “green” will continue to leave a sick taste in many mouths.
Looks like a police car, maybe
It is quite surprising that speed cameras are catching any drivers in Norfolk, if we are to believe information supplied by the annual report of Norfolk Police, published as a supplement in this paper recently.
According to this document, speed is calculated by using the formula “time over distance travelled = speed”. This would come as a surprise to Mr Wardrop, my maths teacher at the City of Norwich School in the 1960s, as well as to most of his pupils, who were taught that time = distance over speed, and so speed = distance over time. Perhaps this is part of the chief constable’s “mature debate about speeding”. Ah, well. I don’t suppose they’re too worried about details while they’re trying to increase vehicle-related crime detections to the heady heights of 9.3 per cent. Yes, I did say to 9.3 per cent. It doesn’t say what from.
Of course there is much encouraging information to be had as well. I now know, for example, that a highway patrol car is basically white and is a “medium-sized vehicle”. In case I am still confusing it with a Transit van, there is a picture, which is reassuring, because I haven’t seen a patrol car for some time.
Not so glorious Waveney
The remains of a couple of hippopotamuses found stranded halfway up a quarry wall in South Norfolk were originally thought to be 700,000 years old, give or take a week.
But local expert Len “Kissme” Hardy claims that they look very like a pair introduced unsuccessfully into the Waveney in 1975 in an attempt to cut down on rats. Unfortunately they turned out to be vegetarian, and escaped. A later “sighting” of them in Diss Mere by Mr Hardy was discounted by scientists.