1 November 2004
Secret plans to transform centre of a fine city
Most citizens of Norwich are still almost prostrate from shock at learning that councillors have been considering secret plans to concrete over the historic market.
Apparently some members were hankering after the creation of a magnificent civic space in front of their palace – sorry, I mean City Hall.
Now a local expert, Professor V A R Scheinlich, claims that he has uncovered plans to transform other parts of Norwich. He says the council is looking at ideas to • knock down the Castle and build a gold-encrusted tower that will reach to heaven, based partly on the Tower of Babel and partly on the European Parliament building in Strasbourg; • turn the Cathedral and Close into a giant stadium as part of a bid for the Olympics in 2020; • drain the Wensum to create a huge bus and cycle lane combined with a futuristic sea defence scheme.
Prof Scheinlich says these ideas are intended to “bring Norwich into the 22nd century well before anyone else even gets close”. He denies an allegation by father-of-one the Rev Nick “Nick” Reppscumbastwick, 48, that the relative flatness of Norfolk itself resulted from an ill-conceived medieval scheme to build a land bridge between Northampton and parts of Dieppe.
What you missed while you were looking at the speedometer
In all the excitement about replacing the Norwich Grapes Hill speed camera with something even more technologically scintillating, you may not have noticed the Department for Transport announcing research which revealed that speed was much less of a factor in road accidents than had been previously maintained.
Given that badly advised Ministers have striven to keep this figure as high as possible, its admission that the number of death or serious injury accidents in which excessive speed was involved is a maximum of 18 per cent is highly significant. It could mean the true figure is considerably less.
But don’t hold your breath waiting for scamera partnerships, certain chief constables and many councillors to reduce their own amateur estimates from nearly twice or three times that. And don’t expect wide publicity for the news that pedestrians have been advised not to cross the road near speed cameras, because drivers are likely to be looking at their speedometers and not at road hazards there. A coroner in Manchester said cameras diverted drivers’ attention from pedestrians and other hazards, and this was backed up by the police accident investigator in the case.
It seems undeniable that drivers who are concerned about their precise speed are not going to be concentrating on real dangers, but that will not do for certain speed-obsessed groups. In this particular case, the spokesman for Brake said thoughtfully: “I think it is extremely doubtful that the speed camera was a factor.”
So that’s all right then.
Queues starting for Sunday worship
Sometimes it takes a bus driver to show you the way.
As half-term last week signalled the start of the cold Christmas shopping season, and the queues started forming on Sundays to worship blindly at the Big W, more and more people were getting nostalgic about the Sabbaths of Christmas past, when department stores were refreshingly shut and the streets wonderfully quiet.
Norwich bus drivers have said they don’t want to carry shopaholics around on the day of rest, and for once I will be delighted to follow them – but without much hope.
Closing shops for a day would restore a bit of sanity to our weeks, and probably bring with it a hefty portion of health benefits. But of course the lemming-like shopowners and shareholders won’t let that happen: it might affect their profits, for heaven’s sake. If that’s the right phrase.
Less and less chance of getting through
Exhausted by Energy Efficiency Week, on the road and desperate to contact a friend? Well, unless you have a mobile phone, the prospects are getting dimmer and dimmer. BT seems determined to discard its lovely phone boxes in easy stages because – you’ve guessed it – they’re not making money. This is bad luck for all those people living in dead spots in North Norfolk – not near the cemeteries, but in the many places, like most of Cromer, where there is no mobile phone signal at all. Not BT’s fault, perhaps, but what chance shall we have of warning the rest of Norfolk when the warming sea, full of melted Arctic ice, spills over the Red Lion?
Bit of a remote chance, you may think. Students at UEA have a more immediate problem. They were promised payphones in their new residence at Colman House, but when they poured in to occupy it, payphones were notable by their absence. BT, I am told, is unwilling to fund them. Age of communication? Yeah, right.
Professional view of obstacles in road
As part of the drive to increase pollution, damage to vehicles and discomfort to residents, a plague of road humps continues to be inserted into what used to be a lovely city. You may hate them (or not), but what do professional drivers think?
Peter Hammond, a private hire car driver, writes: “I recently had to replace a steering drag-link on my Vauxhall Omega at a cost of well over £100, because of wear inflicted by over-100mm humps placed just into side roads where the compression load on the steering is exacerbated by the sideways load of the corner.
“With five people plus luggage on board, even the most careful driving doesn’t prevent the increased wear on the drag-links. I find that on most humps, less than 10mph is the normal operating speed for passenger comfort how I enjoy taking up to 10 minutes longer per journey!
“This is effectively a reduction in pay, as private hire vehicles get a set fare per journey.
“When driving disabled people in wheelchairs in a Transit Minibus I cannot, however hard I try, give them a smooth enough ride over Norwich humps to prevent at best discomfort and at worst some pain. My Omega is a top-of-the-range vehicle with load-levelling suspension and is reckoned by the trade to be the best of its type for the job. If I can’t ride over humps above 10 to 15mph in that, then I am being deliberately impeded in my legal right to free passage on the highway. “It causes damage, pollution and extra costs for any bus, taxi, service vehicle or emergency vehicle. What gives the council the right to do this?” Good question. No doubt there’s a very bad answer.