1 July 2002
Elephant big clue to Norfolk volcano
Norfolk is at risk of an imminent volcanic eruption, according to an investigator who has been carrying out excavations on the slopes of Mount Beeston in North Norfolk.
Complex calculations have revealed that Sheringham and Cromer could be completely obliterated under 12 metres of volcanic ash, says expert Richard Meek. He points out that this could badly disrupt the tourist season.
According to a revolutionary new theory from Mr Meek, the Runton elephant may not be a fossil at all, but the remains of a beast caught out by the last major eruption, which also marked the end of a frequent bus service to the area.
If this is so, plans to turn the massive elephant into the star of a new multi-million-pound visitor attraction may have to be put on hold while Mount Beeston is ‘plugged’.
Estimates of the age of the animal may also have to be revised, but residents have been advised not to panic.
Mr Meek’s theories also cast new light on the ‘startling and unique’ discovery announced last week of the remains of mammoths dating back to the Ice Age at a quarry site in South Norfolk.
Prof V A R Scheinlich, of Hingham, has already proposed that the mammoths are victims of an earlier eruption, which resulted in a shrinking of the original Mount Beeston between 50,000 and 100,000 years ago, when it was an amazing 20,000 feet high and erupted most Thursdays.
The effects on the Hingham area are still being felt, says Prof Scheinlich.
Meanwhile, archaeologists excavating the medieval Red Mount Chapel at The Walks in King’s Lynn have found a multi-dimensional 18-sided wall but no mammoths or elephants at all.
This indicates that the eruptions did not affect the Lynn area; so some other explanation must be found for the state the town is in.
Is mystery officer behind nanny craze?
Conker trees, window boxes and bouncy castles may be just a fading memory, but at least we have advertising boards.
The Labour administration at City Hall, Norwich, became so notorious for its overprotective approach to citizens who might be in ‘danger’ that some have blamed the nanny approach for its failure at the polls.
But now we have the new Lib Dem supremos getting all het up about advertising boards tripping people up in the streets – and the Labour has-beens getting all superior about it, presumably because they didn’t think of it first.
Odd, or what? Maybe the councillors are not to blame after all. We know they are easily led by devious officers. Obviously someone in there is determined to carry on his or her bizarre campaign of over-protection, whoever is in charge and ostensibly making the decisions.
I am tempted to carry out an investigation, but instead I will follow Norfolk police strategy in cases of serious crime, and invite the guilty party to confess.
Schroedinger fears in hunt for missing black dog
The story of Bungay’s mysterious black dog was back on television yesterday, and this has alarmed one citizen, who is concerned at a possible influx of enthusiasts into the town.
Anyone searching for the curious canine is likely to be disappointed because, as Geoff Went points out, “we have no black dog.
“He was last seen disappearing down Trinity Street on the back of a Suffolk Council lorry almost two years ago.
“Nobody seems to know where he is. I’ve asked the Town Reeve and the Town Mayor, but they don’t know, although the rumour is that a refurbished one is available.
“In other words, the original is lost, and they are offering us a pup.”
Mr Went would like readers to help find the dog, which is known as Shuck and is quite attached to lamp standards.
I am a little concerned that this could turn out to be a similar case to that of the elusive Norfolk big cat, which I suggested recently could be Schroedinger’s cat – a feline that all physicists know is both dead and alive, unless you look at it. Dogs like to know where they are, and would react badly to that sort of thing.
Adrift in the wild
Here we are on Blakeney Point to observe the habits of holidaymakus sealboatus, many of whom congregate here at this time of year, possibly on the way to warmer climes.
Months of painstaking research has established that while on the mainland this species wanders around, apparently aimlessly, but is attracted to boats. These invariably take them out close to the seal beaches and often land them on the point, where they are presented with nature in a wild, uncluttered state.
They have only an hour to enjoy the dunes and beaches before the tide forces them back. But here is the mystery. With a golden opportunity to explore a beautiful peninsula that is usually inaccessible, what do they do? They go and buy a cup of tea at the tea shop.
We can only wonder at the lack of curiosity and assume that some very basic urge is involved here. Has tea addiction become a reality? Further research will clearly be necessary . . .