23 December 2002
Adventures of wild boar end in lack of style
It is easy to jump to false conclusions when you come across a wild boar on Gorleston beach – even if the animal is dead.
The suggestion was made by the husband of the finder earlier this month that “it may have been brought by currents from a country where it is a native species”. Wise words, clearly – but are they true?
For years, people travelling near the east coast have reported seeing “large cats” or “huge dogs” crossing roads and fields in the wastes near, for instance, Haddiscoe. What if they were really wild boars?
Many have suspected that such animals may inhabit the wilder, unexplored reaches of the valley between Winterton and Hemsby, probably accompanied by the odd harbour porpoise. One of these has also been washed up in Yarmouth.
It was not quite dead, but it could reveal nothing of its origins before it tragically breathed its last.
Some have linked these strange events to global warming or, more likely, to paranormal events taking place in a hairdresser’s – also in Gorleston.
Eight workers at Mulberrys have reported seeing lights going on and off and doors banging, which could easily be the result of a wild boar blundering about, although paranormal experts put it down to the “spirit of an old fisherman from the turn of the century…shocked at the banter in his shop”.
The owner said it was the first time in 10 years he had noticed anything abnormal in the salon. A strange claim, indeed, for a hairdresser – and to my mind a clear indication that a wild boar is to blame. They tend to be extremely hairy and in need of styling.
Perhaps it gave up trying to make an appointment, shot off down to the beach and gave up the ghost.
Sad, really.
Forecast for holiday period
Here is the outlook for Christmas and the New Year. High pressure is still in charge, with showers of people ganging up and rushing round town and across the country, causing dangerous driving conditions.
There will be cyclists and pedestrians on high ground, and icy motorists in the valleys, but gradually things will settle down.
There will be outbreaks of churchgoing, but these are unlikely to have any lasting effect.
Later in the week we are expecting a series of small depressions to take over, but there will be some bright spells, especially on New Year’s Eve, accompanied by significant bursts of wind: the bars will be closely packed.
After that a return to normal for this time of year, with a number of grey days and poor visibility.
Great forgotten slogans for holiday resorts
Regular readers will have noticed the recent absence from these pages of Richard “Volcano” Meek, the Norfolk hills specialist.
He has been away visiting his great uncle, who was almost famous once. Apparently he came second in a competition to write a slogan for Skegness.
The winner, as older readers will know, was “It’s so bracing”. Quite memorable, but it could so easily have been the Meek effort that took the plaudits: “Skegness is quite nice when it’s not windy.”
Happily the gentleman in question was not put off by his narrow failure and wrote some superb slogans to publicise Norfolk resorts. Sadly, these were never used either, but I can reveal one or two at this late stage:
* Holt – who goes there? * Sea Palling and die. * Weeting just for you. * Holiday dreams and plans? Come to Wells and Burnham! * Wroxham – gateway to Hoveton. * Watton earth are we doing here? * Seething – you will be. * Diss appears in the distance. Any readers who can match these superb examples of the slogan-writer’s art should probably keep it to themselves.
Just the ticket for ambulances
Compliments of the season to Norfolk police, who have managed to issue no speeding tickets at all to the East Anglian Ambulance Service in the last 12 months.
This outburst of common sense, I am assured by a usually reliable source, contrasts sharply with the situation in neighbouring counties. The ambulances received 27 tickets in Suffolk, but that pales into insignificance compared to the 1050 they obtained in Cambridgeshire.
Apparently the tickets can be written off, but to do so the driver has to complete “between six and ten forms”.
I hope ambulance drivers in Cambridgeshire will not be slowing down in order to avoid this chore, but it is an understandable temptation. Especially if they have an injured ticket-issuer inside.
Houseago stunt ends in disaster
![[Cartoon] Santa hanging from hot air balloon controlled by elephant](/articles/images/021223Santa.jpg)
An attempt by Norfolk legend Henry (Fred) “Shrimp” Houseago to combine the religious and secular elements of Christmas ended in disaster, Norwich magistrates were told last week.
“Looking back, it was a mistake to try to stage the demonstration in the Autonomous Republic of Hingham,” said Houseago, 103. “I should not have trusted the local expert.”
Local expert Professor V A R Scheinlich had given the go-ahead after assuring Houseago, who was dressed as Father Christmas, that there was almost no chance of the notorious Hingham space-time distortion occurring in December, which is known to be a quiet month.
Houseago, using a hot air balloon instead of reindeer, had intended to hover above local rooftops, playing choral music intended to simulate hosts of angels, the court was told. This was to culminate in a broadcast to passing shepherds to go and find the baby Jesus in Watton, because there was no room in Hingham.
Unfortunately Mr Houseago was only a few minutes into his flight when he was subject to a massive space-time distortion and disappeared from view, magistrates heard.
He reappeared in a snowstorm close to Norwich Cathedral some hours later, clinging on to the basket, which now contained an elephant.
The court was told by Len “Kissme” Hardy, prosecuting, that Houseago was unable to account for the presence of the elephant, but claimed the balloon had passed close to West Runton thousands of years previously.
Houseago was remanded for reports. He pleaded not guilty to being trunk and disorderly.